I’d like to pretend that when I think back on the past year, that eventually I’ll think first of these silver linings - but I doubt it. I’m always the girl that remembers the sad, the hard, the hurt. But writing them down makes them tangible, helps me remember.
Life is always busy. Always messy. Always chaotic. But this season is even more so for us, and we honestly didn’t plan in advance for the level we’ve been living in for the last few months. And without a plan. . . .I don’t do well. I crumble, panic, hide. I alternate between tears and rage as my frustration begins to spiral out of control and bleed into anxiety.
I know these things, and these things tell me that I’m definitely screwing this up. I’m definitely not Good Enough. And I’ve not been Good Enough for quite a few years. My oldest is 17, and as I think about launching her into adulthood I feel the questions bubble back up and catch in my throat again and again.
“Am I doing this right? Am I screwing this up? Is this Good Enough? Am I Good Enough?”